Alright, so I didn’t technically get the okay that everything I wrote in this post is correct, but the person I talked to hasn’t responded to what they think of what I wrote.
So I will post it, and if I need to, I will come back and edit it.
I have recently had an interesting encounter with someone who posted a comment about pedophiles on Reddit. In fact, this person was a pedophile. They were commenting on something someone had posted about Toddlers and Tiaras. She was talking about how much she didn’t like the show. How it made these children into tiny adults and it’s sick. Which I completely agree with. One of the things that I thought was interesting about it is that so many people say that this show “caters to pedophiles.”
This whole situation intrigued me and lead me to messaging this person and having a bit of a conversation with them. They told me that they had created that account on reddit so they could help educate people, which I think is fantastic. Because normally when I think “pedophile” I think of child molesters. But that’s just not the case at all. Talking to this person made me really realize that pedophile is just someone who is attracted to children, it doesn’t make them a child molester or rapist or any such thing. It just means they’re attracted to children.
This person was very kind and very open about their sexuality/condition/whatever you want to call it. They let me ask all sorts of questions and it was great. I really appreciate that they were so open about it. I messaged them to learn, and learn I did.
These were my questions:
- Since your thread a year ago, are you still with your SO? Did you tell her? If you haven’t told her(and you’re still with her), is it something you would eventually tell her?
- Do you want a family, or is that something you would rather stay away from?
- When did you know?
- How does it affect your every day life?
- Other than on the internet, how many people have you told?
- From what I’m understanding just from what I read that you said, it sounds more like a sexual orientation, so I really hope you don’t take this one the wrong way, because I know you can’t really just change your orientation. But, is it something you think you can ever “get over”?
- Do you think it maybe stemmed from something that happened to you when you were younger(once again I hope you’re not offended by this question, and please don’t answer it if you feel it’s too personal.)
- Do you try to stay away from younger girls? Or do you feel that that’s a non-issue for you?
- What would you call it? A sexual orientation? A “condition”? Something else?
- Have you ever had a time when your self control was tested?
- Do you know anyone else in the same position as you? How do you know them?
There were a number of messages between us because of how lengthy some of the answers were, but I’ll try to give a synopsis of what was said. I will also just post some of the things she said.
So, this person has a girlfriend that they had mentioned in their comment that they had made on Toddlers and Tiaras. This was a year ago. Naturally I was curious about if their SO(significant other) knew about this. They said no, but hope to one day tell them when the time is right. They’ve talked about pedophilia before, but she doesn’t know.
2. She does want children, and feels that isn’t a risk to children. She said to me that they would never touch a child.
3. She said “It’s hard to say, but around age 12 or 13… from memory. Maybe a bit later. I knew for sure by the time I was about 18 I think.”
4. “It doesn’t. Sometimes I will notice a cute kid and get butterflies because she’s so adorable. I don’t have dirty thoughts about them though. It’s noticing their beauty and cuteness. It used to affect my everyday life a lot. I used to be depressed, hate myself, think about suicide a lot. But I accept myself, now that I realize that it is not my fault that I am the way I am. I never chose this and I’d change in an instant if I could.”
5. Her brother knows.
6. “I don’t think I can just get over it. Maybe I can change my behaviour, by carefully training my brain not to think about kids that way. But to me it would be like trying to train my brain not to look at girls anymore. It would just be so hard, because I am basically spellbound by femininity.”
7. “I have often wondered this as part of the whole “why ME?!” thing. But honestly, as wrong as this sounds, sometimes I wish I had been touched as a kid just so I could have something to blame this on. But I have no memory at all of ever being abused or touched or anything. I don’t know why I am this way. I am amazed and captivated by feminine things though and what I love the most about young girls is their femininity, their cute clothes, how girly they look. It’s all part of the attraction and I suspect it’s something to do with it. But I don’t know for sure.”
8. “It’s a non-issue for me. I’ve never felt like I would touch a kid or even felt tempted to do. I know where the lines are. And I know not to cross them. I don’t even DESIRE to cross the line. Out there, in the real world, outside my head, children are to be protected and nurtured. Not tricked into doing sexual things. I am horrified and disgusted by actual sexual abuse. I am even horrified by porn. Child porn and normal porn because I hate how exploitative it is. However I look at it anyway because I know that the girl in the picture doesn’t know that I am looking. She does not see me looking, so the temptation to look is always there and it’s always easy to justify it to myself. To be honest this is the thing I struggle with the most. Looking at pictures of girls.”
9. When asked about what she thought it was, i.e. A condition or sexual orientation, etc, she says that she goes by what doctors call it. Currently, according to the DSM, it is a mental illness.
10. “One time… my ex girlfriend used to baby sit this girl, 10 years of age. She was a really fun, clever kid. Who also loved attention. I kinda suspect she had a crush on me because she gave me a lot of attention and always wanted to sit close to me and stuff. I dunno. Anyway, this one time she came and sat on my lap… innocently of course but being that close to a living, breathing, cute girl gave me an adrenaline rush. But I felt very uncomfortable and made an excuse to play some other game that didn’t involve such close contact. I knew it was inappropriate. And I know not to take the first step onto a slippery slope. It is easier to not take that first step than to try and change direction after 10 or 20 steps. So to speak.
My self control for looking at underage girls is what I struggle with the most. The age range of kids I am most attracted to tends to be 9 to 12 year olds. Usually because they don’t look so childlike but still are insanely cute. When there’s a cute kid around of that age range and their clothes accentuate their sexual characteristics (budding breasts, legs etc), I find it really hard to look away. I nearly always do because I am too scared to actually look but holy shit I definitely notice them. Sometimes I feel so much anger at the parents for letting their sexually developing kids dress in clothes that accentuate their figures, breasts and legs. The kid must be experiencing all sorts of sexual comments and looks from men and boys. It’s inevitable and I hear about it all the time.”
11. And finally, the only other person they know in the same position, is their brother.
I have learned from this person that there are really two(well, possibly more) different kinds of pedophiles. There is this person that I was talking to, and then the child molesters. She even said to me “All that said… I have to point out there are some very twisted, sick, deranged pedophiles out there. In some pedophile forums I have been in, the comments about children would sicken and disturb you to your core. They certainly sicken and disturb me and fill me with so much helpless rage that these people think it’s okay to talk about children like that. It seriously worries me. Not every pedophile cares about children. Unfortunately some just want to rape. They maybe were abused themselves or are angry at the world for abandoning them, but there’s no excuse for their contributing to child abuse.”
She also informed me that there are more pedophiles around than people realize, they often just don’t admit it.
I learned a lot from this person. From talking to them, I think I learned a little more tolerance of people, and more to not just judge. Because, I will admit that I am not perfect. I do still judge some people due to stereotypes. But it is so hard not to in our society and culture. This is why I messaged the person to learn more about their whole situation. I have no regrets about messaging them, and I certainly have no regrets about writing this post. I realize that some people may be unhappy with the contents of this post, that it may rise some unhappy memories and/or emotions or memories. However, this post is to educate, this blog is to educate. The whole point of my doing any of this writing is to educate. Educate in tolerance, love, the injustices in the world, and to maybe help bring people together. This person is clearly not a bad person. They are just like any other person, except for their preference of who they are attracted to. Which admittedly, they are likely one of many. I appreciate their openness and honesty to everything I’ve asked.
Not all pedophiles are bad, we just hear about the bad ones.
And with this I leave you.
Have a good morning, day, and evening.
I hope to talk at you soon.